FoC 079: How to Fight Loneliness and Build Real Friendship with Rebecca Frech

One of the questions we get the most from listeners is “I’m really lonely and feel isolated. How do I build a community and find friends so I’m supported in my faith? ” Well, our friend a former guest on the show, Rebecca Frech is here to share all about doing the hard work of friendship. Rebecca has been researching for and writing a book on the problem of loneliness and how to build good community and she has some brilliant insights to share with us! Did you know that a human being can really only handle a certain number of relationships? Rebecca’s going to tell you what that number is and how to make the most of it.

If you’re not familiar with Rebecca, she is a fiery and fun writer and mom of eight living in Texas. Her new book Can We Be Friends? comes out May 22nd. You can also find her at The Catholic Conspiracy.

In this episode we discuss the pervasive problem of loneliness in our culture and how our connection to virtual life through social media is both a symptom and a contributor to this problem. Rebecca gives us some real talk about doing the work of finding friends (“go where the people are!”) and how to go about building up a real community. We know you’ll love this episode, so grab a cup of tea and listen in!

Books We Talked About in this Episode:

Can We Be Friends? by Rebecca Frech

(You can pre-order and it releases May 22nd!)

Connect with Rebecca:

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10 thoughts on “FoC 079: How to Fight Loneliness and Build Real Friendship with Rebecca Frech”

    1. Hi Jennifer! Christy and I (correctly, I believe) interpreted that as a joke coming from Rebecca, a Catholic mom of 8. I think it’s unlikely that she was advocating for extramarital sex, but I’ll let her speak for herself 😉

      1. Feel free to remove my comment if you want to – its ok. I don’t want to cause drama or anything, but it seemed like an odd kind of comment to associate dating with sex…. even as a joke. I’m sure no one intends on advocating for extra/premarital sex, but I had to go back and play it again to make sure I heard it correctly, as it struck me as very odd coming from a Catholic … :/

  1. What advice do you have for single young adults who are lonely? I had friends in college but then we all went our separate ways and don’t keep in touch as often. Sure, we text and call every so often, but I want real life friendships where I can talk face to face with other people. I know I have to work at it (as you talked about in the podcast), but what if there is no where to go to find these friendships? I live in a small town and there’s never anything going on especially for young adults. The people I see on a daily basis include my coworkers, church acquaintances, and my family when I go home to visit. Any ideas?

    1. When I moved back to Florida from Texas I couldn’t figure out how to find friends. So I started asking people! I asked the priest at our new parish if he could introduce me to some other women. I am all about asking people to do friend match making. Is there someone is your acquaintance who seems to know everyone and you could find out if somebody’s son or daughter that’s your age has recently moved back to town or know of someone you might hit it off with?

  2. I just moved, as an empty nester, to another part of the country for my husband’s job. We left a home of 22 years. This was a great podcast; confirming a lot of things I had been mulling and planning. Thank you!

  3. Another wonderful episode, another excellent topic, ladies. Thank you so much for the work you do here, and with the Cordelias. I have no idea what goes into putting a podcast together, and can only imagine how complicated it might be to coordinate two people living in different countries, who both have to wrangle busy families as well. Are you able to hear each other when you’re recording? Sometimes more than one person talks at the same time making it difficult to follow the conversation. Not that I ever do this, you understand (haha).

  4. I really love your podcast and I always look forward to a new episode…When I saw the title for this episode, my heart rejoiced! So many of my friends have moved away in the last few years (we are mostly military, so lots of moves) and I know many women who are struggling with loneliness in their new new areas, so I eagerly shared this podcast episode with them after only listening to the first 20 minutes or so of it myself.

    I have to say, that I really regretted sharing it after I listened to the rest of the episode. I found your guest to be extremely off-putting. I know that she mentioned “killing everyone’s sacred cows” so maybe that was code for “I can be as judgmental and snide as I’d like and everyone can just deal with it”. I was especially distressed about her characterization of women at moms’ groups whom she deems as unworthy of friendship because they have “nothing going on in their lives except their children”. I totally get the need to have a life separate from my kids, and have both trained for marathons and gone back to school (both endeavors which would apparently make me cool enough to be considered as a possible friend for Ms. Frech) but I have also been at points in my life where I am barely keeping my head above water as I struggle to raise my family and literally couldn’t do a single extra thing–I’m sure that I’m not the only one who has experienced that. Women in that boat need friends too! And maybe I want to hear their birth story. I was cringing at how stinging her critique of other women and moms was.

    This is a super important topic since being a faithful Catholic wife and mother can be a very isolating experience (especially for military families that uproot frequently) but I would really appreciate if it was approached from a more compassionate perspective.

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