FoC 005: Why Chastity is for Lovers with Arleen Spenceley




Today we are lucky to have journalist and author of the new book, , Arleen Spenceley on the podcast with us. Arleen has written a clear, yet thoughtful book, Chastity Is for Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin on what chastity means and how to live chastely as a single person.

We have a great discussion talking about the important differences between chastity and abstinence and why the two terms are not interchangeable, why chastity is for everyone not just single people, and what we can do to be thoughtful and considerate of our friends who happen to be single.

Arleen’s book, Chastity Is for Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin,
is a great read for anyone, but if you’ve got single Catholic friends they’ll love hearing such an articulate presentation of what it really means to live chastely.

Arleen’s blog can be found at, she’s also on Twitter, and Facebook.

(And a quick apology for the random crackling noise throughout this episode – it’s a mystery and I couldn’t figure out how to edit it out, but I promise to never let it happen again! – Christy)

You can listen to us on iTunes, and we’d love a quick rating or review. If you have an android device we’re also on Stitcher. And as always, you can find all links, show notes, upcoming episodes, and listen to all episodes at Fountains of

We’ll be back in the New Year with a great episode with the hilarious Kelly Mantoan




6 thoughts on “FoC 005: Why Chastity is for Lovers with Arleen Spenceley”

  1. I admire her so much for putting herself out there in her newspaper. Very gutsy. It is clear she is a very virtuous woman and unmarried people have a lot to learn from her. I enjoyed the point of view about virginity not being the goal but chastity. But I must be honest that I find it frustrating to hear people talking about married sex when they are not married themselves.

    It is not that unmarried people do not have a right to their opinions but I am skeptical. When Arleen proposed the scenario of a couple living the incredibly difficult sacrifice of saving sex for marriage only objectify each other after marriage, I stopped listening. Anyone who has traveled that road knows that it is highly unlikely that objectification is waiting for them after marriage. Waiting until ones wedding night involves super human temperance, prayer, self sacrifice and self mastery.

    1. Re: your second to last and last sentences, not necessarily. I don’t remember what I said on this podcast and haven’t had time to listen today, but what I mean when I say what I probably said is this: if adults tell kids “save sex for marriage” but don’t define sex, kids inevitably will learn about sex from other sources. If those sources are the sources that define sex as mutual use, for instance, those kids have no idea (at no fault of their own) that the adults who taught them to save sex did not mean “wait until you’re married to use each other for pleasure”. The possibility exists that those kids will grow up into adults who will not know otherwise unless or until they are told. While I do think that most of the people who actually save sex for marriage are the people who were taught correctly about sex from the start, I do believe people are out there who have been taught abstinence outside of chastity, without good definitions of sex, who, for religious reasons, commit to abstinence but don’t really know what it is they’re waiting for or why.

      1. Thanks for clearing that up. I think the words “objectification after marriage” needs to have a good definition; what do you mean by that? Because anyone who lived the long and hard road of chastity before marriage are pretty unlikely to objectify their spouse after marriage. Not because they have been taught correctly from the start, but because the incredible virtue required by dating purely doesn’t go away once someone is married.

  2. I love love loved this podcast! I’ve been married for sixteen years and got a lot out of it! Thank you!
    Teacher, it is possible to objectify your partner after marriage… temptations don’t go away even in the realm of sexuality between married persons. We can either grow in unity or disunity, right? If you turned off the podcast once Arleen was talking about married love I doubt you’d trust her take on that topic, anyway. 🙂

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